THE NIGHT OF THE BUG

A story based on a real event

One night, as I was washing my dishes, my kitchen sink began backing up and the water wasn't going down the drain, at least not at an acceptable rate anyway. In my first attempt to clear the drain, I began spraying hot water into it. The water level in the sink only went higher and still, very little was going out the drain. I thought I'd try my plunger and went to the bathroom to get it but it wasn't there. Hmmm..... where could it be? I tried the hall closet but didn't see it there either. Then I thought, I may not have seen it since I moved here last year and may have put it in some cupboard or corner somewhere. I looked all over but it was nowhere to be found. I could have sworn I had one when I moved, but I was tired of looking for it and decided "well, maybe the one I'm thinking of belonged to the building where I used to live and chose to try an alternate method.

I filled the sink with hot water and added some liquid laundry detergent. If I could get this to trickle down the drain, it might open it up and clean it out. While I was waiting for it to start draining out, I decided to look in one more place for the plunger, a high cupboard next to the water heater cabinet in the kitchen. I opened the cupboard and didn't see the plunger but did see something that I didn't recognize and seemed out of place behind my popcorn popper. I lifted out the popper and found this huge beetle hiding behind it. This thing looked like a cockroach but was over 2 inches long. It dashed to the front corner of the cupboard and tried to hide there but it was a rather feeble attempt at concealing itself.

This invasion into my kitchen had to be dealt with but how, roach spray? I went for the "Raid" in the cupboard under the sink but the can was old and nearly empty with no pressure left in it, it just dribbled out onto the floor and my fingers.

It couldn't have taken more than 2 seconds to get this useless container from the cupboard but when I turned around, that huge bug was gone out of the cupboard and already on the wall behind my toaster oven on the counter space.

What a stupid bug I thought, he thinks he's hiding behind my toaster oven but he was still in plain site. On second thought, maybe he's not so stupid after all and knows that I'm defenseless with this useless can of Raid and is just taunting me. I was determined that I wasn't going to be intimidated by an ugly brown bug no matter how big he is.

I turned quickly to the sink behind me and gabbed a paper towel off the roll, my eyes off my disgusting opponent for no more than a second. When I looked back, this little monster was screaming right across the wall above the stove like a Nascar racer. How could he run on the wall like that, and how does he always seem to know when my back is turned? I'm going to have to learn more about my opponent before I do battle with a big ugly bug again.

With the paper towel in my hand I lunged at him and grabbed him in my hand despite his evasive maneuvers. I could feel this critters legs kicking at me in anger and trying to force my hand open in an attempt to free himself. I stood my ground and held on tight. "Now that I've got him, what the hell am I going to do with him" I thought. Just about that time, he managed to free himself from my grasp and jumped from my hand, landing right in the sink still full of hot soapy water. It took about 5 seconds for him to stop kicking and drowned. Ironic, isn't it? I declared myself the winner of the battle.

After that, my sink drain opened up and the water ran out. I had to crush the bug into pieces against the crossbars to get it down the drain.

I've seen a couple more of them since then and have decided that they aren't so smart after all. They run when they should stay still in a safe hiding place and they are too big not to be noticed when they move. I still have yet to come up with a better way of serving their demise other than to catch them with a paper towel and crush them in my hand. Maybe a need a mouse trap. Do monster bugs like cheese?