Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the
sweaty things.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila,
floor.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why
do we still have monkeys and apes?
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is
because he knows where all the bad girls
live.
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I went to a bookstore and asked the
saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She
said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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Could it be that all those
trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as
ghosts but as mattresses?
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If a mute swears, does his mother wash
his hands with soap?
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If a man is standing in the middle of the
forest speaking and there is no
woman around to hear him - is he still wrong?
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If someone with multiple personalities
threatens to kill himself, is it considered a
hostage situation?
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Is there another word for synonym?
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Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors
call what they do practice?"
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Where do forest rangers go to "get away
from it all?"
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What do you do when you see an endangered
animal eating an endangered plant?
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If a parsley farmer is sued, can they
garnish his wages?
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Would a fly without wings be called a
walk?
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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean
them?
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If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he
homeless or naked?
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
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If the police arrest a mime, do they tell
him he has the right to remain
silent?
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Why do they put Braille on the drive
through bank machines?
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How do they get the deer to cross at that
yellow road sign?
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Is it true that cannibals don't eat
clowns because they taste funny?
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What was the best thing before sliced
bread?
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I'm not schizophrenic. You only think we
are.
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Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
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If a policeman in Alaska calls for a K-9
unit, does another cop arrive in a dog sled?
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